Today features a massive edition of arbitrary endpoints, because we’re halfway through the season and it just feels right for this Roto Riteup.

On today’s agenda:
1. Cliff Lee to begin rehab assignment
2. Joe Kelly needs more DL time
3. Fun with arbitrary endpoints: June
4. Fun with arbitrary endpoints: Last 365 days
5. The Femicidal Five

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It was way too hot last night for any reasonable man to work with a computer on his lap, but this author soldiered through to bring you the Roto Riteup.

On today’s agenda:
1. Clay Buchholz didn’t suck last night
2. Steve Pearce keeps the bat alive
3. Shane Victorino a week away from rehab assignment
4. The Fardel Five

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After today, we’ll be officially half-way through the 2014 season. There’s as many Roto Riteups to come this year as there has already been, which could either be great news, or the bane of your existence.

On today’s agenda:
1. Chris Parmelee in center: good for you, bad for Twins
2. ALERT/Reminder that Taijuan Walker’s starting today
3. An Alex Cobb comparison
4. Manny Machado’s righting the ship
5. The Figurative Five

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This handsome Roto Riteup author wishes you can take some time off during the middle of the day to enjoy the USMNT face off against the evil Germans.

On today’s agenda:
1. Timmy’s second No-No
2. Erasmo Ramirez down, Taijuan Walker on the way
3. Joc Pederson’s shoulder injury
4. Fun with arbitrary endpoints
5. The Fixated Five

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Unlike some popular sports stars, the Roto Riteup’s bark is way worse than its bite.

On today’s agenda:
1. Marco Gonzales to debut for Cardinals
2. Brandon Workman keeps rotation spot
3. Tyler Skaggs to return Saturday
4. The Fainéant Five

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If you’re still sick from the nasty USMNT finish yesterday, today’s Roto Riteup may make you feel worse, not better.

On today’s agenda:
1. Matt Shoemaker, a man I believe in
2. Andrew Cashner scratched today
3. The Fascinating Five

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Y’all have stuck with me for four straight days this week, and you will be punished for doing so by having David Wiers back at the Roto Riteup this weekend. I didn’t do this to you; you did this to yourself.

On today’s agenda:
1. Kyle Gibson finds his strikeouts
2. Jake Arrieta Watch
3. Jarrod Saltalamacchia back from DL
4. Fun with arbitrary endpoints
5. The Forceful Five

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“In the future, I want all Americans to come together over breakfast and a fresh copy of the Roto Riteup” — Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, and Adolf Hitler at a joint speaking opportunity on the Moon.

On today’s agenda:
1. Andrew Heaney says “Hi”
2. Phil Hughes watch
3. A draft pick on the rise
4. Adam Wainwright’s elbow
5. The Furcular Five

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Professor Pony is out selling himself on the street-corner to fuel his figurine habit, so you’re left with me in today’s Roto Riteup.

On today’s agenda:
1. Kyle Parker gets the call
2. Matt Wieters meets Tommy John
3. A Bronson Arroyo Milestone
4. The Fixed Five

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Hopefully enough of you Roto Riteup readers watched the San Antonio Spurs absolutely trounced the dumb Miami Heat for the third straight game. If not, I don’t approve of your life, and I think you should leave.

On today’s agenda:
1. On tap: Rubby De La Rosa and Carlos Martinez
2. Erick Aybar hurts his hip
3. Nick Martinez impresses the author
4. The Finite Five

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