I Resolve To Slay Mine Foes (Once Again)

It’s time to stop singing slaying songs about smelly batmen and egg laying robins. It’s time to throw out the cookies Johan Santa Claus left behind. It’s time…to resolve.

In Part Duex of my officially annual resolution to slay mine foes, I would like to draw the reader’s attention to my wildly successful resolution of 2015 – to join and participate in a dynasty league. It took roughly one days to fulfill the joining portion of my quest. The participation took also one days, although said participation was of dubious quality for several months.

Now, Chad and I work together like a well-oiled machine. Even at this moment, whilst I am off cavorting halfway around the world, he is undoubtedly transforming our perfectly adequate roster into something more perfect and totally adequater. It’s almost like this dynasty thing is easy. Oh right, we finished sixth of 20 in 2015; just well enough to receive no money AND a lousy draft slot. Not so easy after all.

This time around, I have a very different resolution. And it should be more fun for those of you reading this meandering, maundering, scuttlebutt. Why? Because this time my resolution will involve you. Well, perhaps not you specifically, but maybe you, specifically.

Here’s my plan. Last year, I participated in too many similar industry leagues. Something like 13 of them. It turned out kind of like the time I took Algebra 2 and Geometry at the same time in high school. Every time I got caught up with managing some of the my teams, the others fell into the gutter.

Various problems are immediately apparent, no? For one, I didn’t win as much as I am accustomed to winning. My overall performance was wholly average. Boo. For two, these leagues were largely generic. Also, well, I had a third thing to say a moment ago.

This year, I have planned at least three unique leagues. See, I underlined unique so you know they will be non-standard. Posts to follow sometime in the next couple months. The aforementioned leagues will share certain qualities, namely uniquity and minimal management requirements.

Behold

• Razzball (the fantasy game, not the eponymous website about the fantasy game) – A 12-team points league in which it is the owner’s job to construct and maintain the most godawful roster imaginable. Weekly lineups and roster moves.
• Utility Wars – A 12-team (or more) points league of some unspecified type in which positions are wholly, er, unspecified. No pitchers. Because.
•  Fire and Forget – A 12-team (or more) 5×5 league wherein players are drafted, formed into a lineup, and locked in place forevermore.

Also, unrelatedly, I joined a 20-team Sim league that runs from early January through July. We’re in the 2005 season. I own Gary Matthews Jr. and assorted dross. It would be cheating to count this among my resolutions.

***The present author appreciates your comments. However, he is currently in Vietnam without a computer or internet access. The above article was written in late-November/early-December in order to satisfy his future writing requirements. No matter what you say, he will not respond to you before early January. Apologies if some recent information has not been incorporated.***