Unlike some popular sports stars, the Roto Riteup’s bark is way worse than its bite.
On today’s agenda:
1. Marco Gonzales to debut for Cardinals
2. Brandon Workman keeps rotation spot
3. Tyler Skaggs to return Saturday
4. The Fainéant Five
Exactly 27 years ago today the genius known as Mel Brooks unleashed the film “Spaceballs.” To boil a masterpiece such as that down to a single scene is impossible, but the trailer does a solid job. Okay, and the ludicrous speed scene. And the “When will then be now?” clip. You know, just go watch the entire film; it’s on Netflix.
On today’s agenda:
1. Thoughts on Everth Cabrera
2. Brett Lawrie to miss 3-6 weeks
3. The return of Travis d’Arnaud
4. The daily five
If you’re still sick from the nasty USMNT finish yesterday, today’s Roto Riteup may make you feel worse, not better.
On today’s agenda:
1. Matt Shoemaker, a man I believe in
2. Andrew Cashner scratched today
3. The Fascinating Five
Thirty years ago today the film “The Karate Kid” was released. I’ll admit I haven’t seen the remake, but I have a hard time believing it could possibly have a better montage than the original. I mean, it was the best around.
On today’s agenda:
1. A strong outing from Mike Leake
2. J.J. Hardy hits a home run
3. Joc Pederson watch
4. The daily five
Today’s Roto Riteup is unofficially brought to you by Modest Mouse and their album “Good News For People Who Love Bad News.” I’m currently listening to this record for the first time in a few years and it still holds up. When I sat down “Bukowski” (warning: language) began to play and I urge you to listen to it.
On today’s agenda:
1. Carlos Martinez to start tomorrow
2. Corey Dickerson fills up the stat sheet
3. A demotion for Tony Cingrani
4. Kris Bryant watch
5. The daily five
Yesterday, June 19, was the 13th anniversary of Mandy Moore’s self titled album. While this album was released my freshman year of high school, Mandy Moore was one of my earliest celebrity crushes, going back to her debut. I am not embarrassed (you should all know by now I have no shame) to say her track Crush resonated with 14-year-old and (very) awkward me.
On today’s agenda:
1. Zack Wheeler’s dominant start
2. A setback for Jedd Gyorko
3. Thoughts on Danny Duffy
4. Mookie Betts watch
5. The daily five
Y’all have stuck with me for four straight days this week, and you will be punished for doing so by having David Wiers back at the Roto Riteup this weekend. I didn’t do this to you; you did this to yourself.
On today’s agenda:
1. Kyle Gibson finds his strikeouts
2. Jake Arrieta Watch
3. Jarrod Saltalamacchia back from DL
4. Fun with arbitrary endpoints
5. The Forceful Five
“In the future, I want all Americans to come together over breakfast and a fresh copy of the Roto Riteup” — Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, and Adolf Hitler at a joint speaking opportunity on the Moon.
On today’s agenda:
1. Andrew Heaney says “Hi”
2. Phil Hughes watch
3. A draft pick on the rise
4. Adam Wainwright’s elbow
5. The Furcular Five
Professor Pony is out selling himself on the street-corner to fuel his figurine habit, so you’re left with me in today’s Roto Riteup.
On today’s agenda:
1. Kyle Parker gets the call
2. Matt Wieters meets Tommy John
3. A Bronson Arroyo Milestone
4. The Fixed Five
Hopefully enough of you Roto Riteup readers watched the San Antonio Spurs absolutely trounced the dumb Miami Heat for the third straight game. If not, I don’t approve of your life, and I think you should leave.
On today’s agenda:
1. On tap: Rubby De La Rosa and Carlos Martinez
2. Erick Aybar hurts his hip
3. Nick Martinez impresses the author
4. The Finite Five
