Of course it isn’t really the night before draft day, but I wanted to get something to go with the holiday season.
Twas the night before draft day and with all my rankings
I knew I would win, and take all the bankings.
The spreadsheets were loaded in my nerd lair
With a budget plus knowledge, I was fully prepared
My prospects and sleepers in bold and high-lighted
My mantra, “Trust the process!” had me delighted
An IPA in one hand, my mouse in the other
The draft began, names flying one after another
When without warning, an error flashed
I begged please no! My Wi-Fi had crashed
I leapt from my chair and ran to the router
As the fear in my mind only grew louder
My phone rings and I answer, the commish said “Your pick!”
I yell “Give me Franklin, Kevin, no! Nick!”
Somehow, someway, my connection restored
But despite my best efforts, I held an empty draft board
With no players chosen I bid and I bid
But each time I was beaten, I grew angry, livid
Then at long last it was my turn to throw out a name
And with a favorite still free, I was so happy I came
To my senses and typed in “Cashner”
With him at my side, the title I’ll capture!
From Steamer, the strikeouts would be seven-per-nine
But I’ll take the over on that betting line
With rewed hope, I bid with great vigor
As my budget shrank, my roster grew bigger
A blow to my ego when at last I realized
My roster is filled with DL-prone guys!
The best short around, named Tulowitzki
At third base was Zimmerman, also quite risky
After Cashner my next chosen starter was Latos
The pit of my stomach is where I felt the self-pathos
Despite my best efforts my outfield was frail
With Eaton and Garcia, Avisail,
At first base was none other than Joey Votto
I whisper “Good god!” voce, but sotto.
Looking around not even my keystone was safe,
At great speed my palm went straight to my face
I pinned all my hopes on a man known as Utley
Whose knee could be sore and end my season abruptly
My prospects were guys named Sano and Bundy
A look on my face like that salesman Al-something
I refuse to give up, the dollar days will be mine!
Denial is powerful: “I’ll be totally fine!”
The owners all broke, the draft comes to a close
My friends Mike and Kyle, the champs I’ll depose!
My roster is set, and the league dues all paid
Should I not win the league, I can take home most moves made
You can catch David spouting off about baseball, soccer, esports and other things by following him on twitter, @davidwiers.