Kicking Rocks: Trade Bullies

For me, there’s nothing more fun about a fantasy baseball season than the constant trade chatter that goes back and forth between owners.  While the goal is, obviously, to walk away with a deal that you consider favorable for your team, I can feel just as good about a discussion that fails to culminate in a trade, but is still filled with good, old-fashioned baseball talk.  It’s like spending a whole day fishing, not having caught anything, and still feeling good about the time spent.  But nothing, I mean nothing, sucks the joy out of a spirited trade negotiation more than having to deal with a trade bully.

You know the guy I’m talking about.  It’s not just the fact that he believes that he has the best players or that his strategy is the best way to win the league.  It’s when you turn down an offer of his and, rather than try to re-negotiate the deal, he spends the rest of his time trying harder and harder to push you into it.

First, he’ll start by running down your guys.  It doesn’t matter if it’s an up and coming rookie or a multi-year veteran, he’ll find a dozen different ways to cut down your player and explain to you how trading him now is your best course of action.  Not for the value you think he’s worth but for some “realistic” value that he has somehow assigned.  The guys he is offering, on the other hand, are the absolute best and you are a fool for passing them up.  Usually that comes accompanied by some condescending comment about how you really should watch this guy play and if you knew anything about the game you would know the value he brings to the table.

You then try to counter his offer and rather than even listen to what you have to say he tells you that the players he’s offering are involved in other deals and you have to act now or he’s going to trade them away.  He’ll tell you that he doesn’t want to because he likes your deal better, but he’s not going to have a choice.  He has to act now.  That’s when you get the time limit — “I’ve got some stuff to do right now.  I’ll be back around three, so just let me know by then, otherwise I’m going to have to make the other deal.”  More often than not, there is some indignant tone aimed at making you feel bad for not jumping at his “once in a lifetime” offer.

Later that day, you’ll receive some sort of an email or text asking you if you’ve thought about the deal some more.  How it’s really the best move you can make for your team and that he hasn’t heard from the other guy yet, but he’s got to get a deal done today, so these players aren’t going to be available soon.  When you politely decline his offer again, you receive that immediate message telling you to have fun finishing in 8th place.

But just when you think you’re done and that this guy is out of your hair, he’ll make yet another run at you.  This is usually when he starts to endow his years of fantasy wisdom on you and explains the nuances of this particular league.  Doesn’t matter that you’ve been in the same league for multiple years, you apparently just don’t understand how to play or  see what this deal is going to do for you.

He’ll start telling you exactly what you need, how to run your team, and what you should be doing — all under the guise of friendship and good sportsmanship.  Suddenly he’s going to help you.  He knows more about your team and your strategy than you do and he’s going to help you finish in the money.  You guys will finish first and second.  But has he changed the deal at all?  No.  It’s still that same crappy offer designed at stacking his team and doing nothing for you.

When you decline again, you’re told you’re making a huge mistake.  Your team is going to flop.  You’re going to look back and wish you made this deal.  Are you sure you don’t want to do it?  This is the last chance because he’s going to have to do this other deal he’s been working on.  You decline one last time.

“Fine.  Good luck trying to get a deal done this year.  Thanks for your donation this year,” he says in his parting shot and you’re finally free from the worst trade talk possible.

Atleast until he comes back to you the following week with the same exact deal…..