I Resolve To Slay Mine Foes

It’s become trendy in recent years to resolve stuff on January first. This totally new trend probably has something to do with Harry Potter or the one with the vampires.

It’s with this young tradition in mind that I resolve to slay mine foes. Not only is the statement cool in a German kind of way, but it’s also badass to slay things. Plus we just finished singing slaying songs whilst jingling bells. It has me in the mood.

As my foemen are typically of the fantasy persuasion, I expect to do most of my slaying in the metaphorical sense. A few real life neighbors may feel the harsh, antiseptic sting of justice too. Of course, I’ll employ others to do the actual dirty work, such as renowned slayer of baseballs Paul Goldschmidt. Such is the nature of fantasies.

In actuality, I have a serious resolution this year. I resolve to join a dynasty league. It’s the one (primary) flavor of fantasy baseball I’ve never sampled, and I anticipate it could open up countless new avenues for strategy, tactics, and content. I especially like that latter point because there are only so many times I can write about Adam Jones in a week. (Hopefully two).

To successfully complete my resolution, I’m going to use a process called Spacestar Ordering. First, I’ll draw a picture of what I want on a piece of paper. Then, I’ll crumple it up, turn my back to space, and throw it over my shoulder. Next, I’ll ask around until I find a suitable league. It’s really that easy.

Enjoy the new year.