That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spot-light, crying like a baby. Trying to write for you, and I don’t know if I can do it.

Oh, hi there. The Roto Riteup is below.

On today’s agenda:
1. Uh oh, Adam Wainwright’s Elbow
2. The Bauer-Ventura Duel
3. Phil Hughes is on fire
4. Fun with arbitrary endpoints
5. The Fine Five

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Hi. It’s Wednesday. This is the Roto Riteup. I sort of like your face.

On today’s agenda:
1. Mat Latos to debut Saturday
2. Joey Votto returns
3. On Cody Asche and Maikel Franco
4. The Feral Five

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This may just be one man’s opinion, but I’m not too sad that it’s Monday here at the Roto Riteup.

On today’s agenda:
1. Jonathan Singleton’s early going
2. Chris Archer continues his hot stretch
3. Rougned Odor hurts his shoulder
4. The Floppy Five

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After a couple days of wife-swapping, the Roto Riteup is back on its normal rotation, making you feel safe and secure in its stability.

On today’s agenda:
1. Carlos Gonzalez to the DL
2. It’s Corey Dickerson time
3. Aramis Ramirez activated
4. Fun with arbitrary endpoints
5. The Faux Five

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You poor Roto Riteup readers are stuck with me today. Because Wiers and I are swingers, is why.

On today’s agenda:
1. It’s Jonathan Singleton time
2. Robinson Cano returns
3. Jeff Samardzija to Colorado would suck
4. Yordano Ventura to start Thursday
5. The Fudged Five

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Monday is funday, Roto Riteup readers.

On today’s agenda:
1. Jose Abreu back today
2. Fun with catchers
3. Some tidbits on Bartolo Colon
4. Daniel Nava and Stephen Drew reunited with Boston
5. The Fluorescent Five

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While y’all suckers are slaving away at your desk tomorrow, the current Roto Riteup author would like you to think of me sitting pantless in front of the TV, slowly drinking myself to death.

On today’s agenda:
1. Carl Crawford to DL, but don’t expect Joc Pederson
2. Matt Cain to start Saturday
3. A.J. Pollock sits on top
4. Fun with Arbitrary Endpoints
5. The Fast and Furious Fast

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Today’s Roto Riteup author would like to point out that the holiday weekend is well over, so you better get back to work after you finish reading this, sucka.

On today’s agenda:
1. Negative MRIs for young guns…
2. But some injuries remain
3. Fun with Minor League stats
4. The Farmer’s Five

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Today’s Roto Riteup author will be taking in his first live baseball game of 2014, enjoying the Mariners’ Salute to Sriracha night and the aftermath that follows.*

On today’s agenda:
1. Chris Sale to start today
2. Ben Revere on the bench
3. Alex Guerrero could be out 5 weeks after ear eaten
4. Fun with arbitrary endpoints
5. The Flaming Five

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My barely noticeable beard has begun shedding, so please consider my plight as you read today’s Roto Riteup.

On today’s agenda:
1. Stephen Drew signs with Boston
2. Corey Hart out 4-6 weeks
3. Andrew Heaney gets promoted
4. Trevor Bauer replaces Danny Salazar
5. The Fickle Five

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