The Daily Grind: “Shut Up, Dave” Says Schwarber

When angry readers send you this message…

Hey Brad, YOU’RE FIRED!!!
McCarthy fucking SUCKS!!! Thanks for the stellar ‘advice’! RotoWorst IS ALWAYS WRONG.

… even though you made stronger recommendations for Zack Godley and Luis Perdomo.

AGENDA

1. Schwarber or Altherr
2. Weather Reports
3. Perfect Lineup
4. Pitchers to Use and Abuse
5. Hitters to Use
6. SaberSim Says…
7. TDG Invitational Returns!

1. Schwarber or Altherr

Yesterday, Dave Cameron asked us to pick a side between Kyle Schwarber and Aaron Altherr. Schwarber responded by saying “shut up, Dave.”

Now that’s a well struck baseball. We await Altherr’s retort versus Martin Perez or Andrew Cashner. It’s unclear which dumpster shall alight tonight.

2. Weather Reports

Minnesota is a postponement risk today. Prior to game time, it will storm for several hours. Once 7:00pm rolls around, the forecast reduces to 50 percent storms for the rest of the evening. So there’s a chance…

3. Perfect Lineup

It’s kind of a shame when the most trendy player is also one of the best (Ian Happ). Especially when you fade Javier Baez in his place, and he zeroes out. Anyway, perfection was 297.8 points last night.

Yu Darvish
Jimmy Nelson
Gary Sanchez
Chris Davis
Ian Happ
Josh Harrison
J.J. Hardy
Jake Marisnick
J.D. Martinez
Mark Canha

So who all had Hardy in their lineups. Crickets?

4. Pitchers to Use and Abuse

Early Slate: We have four games in the early slate. I don’t want to talk about it. Oh, I’m paid to talk about it? Very well.

Clayton Kershaw! Yep, that’s him pitching at AT&T Park in what should be a classic matchup against Madison Bumgarner. Alas, it’s Johnny Cueto instead. Kershaw costs the moon despite pitching like a mortal this year. A very good mortal. Cueto is second most expensive in the slate. I have to say, I don’t care for the matchup. He’s one of those guys who always does the exact opposite of what I expect. Just when I start to write him off, he’ll throw a gem. That could be tonight.

Lance McCullers is the other sensible target in the contest. You’ll get strikeouts and never more than seven innings. That’s still a marked improvement over past seasons. He’s opposed by Jose Urena and the Marlins. Urena is like J.C. Ramirez in that he throws a 96 mph, terrible fastball and 40 percent offspeed stuff. I’d like him more if the offspeed stuff induced whiffs.

The bargain play is probably to use one side of Pat Corbin hosting Matt Harvey. I prefer the Corbin end. Harvey’s ground ball profile buffs Jake Lamb’s power while the rest of the DBacks will pound singles.

Stack Targets: Harvey, Urena, Corbin, Josh Tomlin, Alex Cobb

Main Slate: The evening features several notable arms. Michael Fulmer tops the list in what should be an automatic win against Unbalded Jimenez. Other easy victories include… Nope, this is the only easy win in the slate.

Michael Pineda versus Jason Vargas should be a fun game to watch. Vargas is the ERA leader while Pineda has emerged as a breakthrough star. Now is a great time to sell those Pineda shares in traditional fantasy. He’s still the rich man’s J.C. Ramirez (two J.C. references!). Pineda’s cutter has improved from terrible to bad. His slider was always the bread and butter. He’s throwing it 40 percent of the time. Regression isn’t likely to bite versus the lowly Royals.

Kyle Hendricks has allowed four runs in his last 23.2 innings. That includes a Coors Field start in which he was outdueled by German Marquez. Hendricks will have to compete with what could be ridiculous wind gusts tonight. Keep an eye on the direction.

At the start of last season Rick Porcello was just OK. Then he found his groove on the way to a Cy Young season. We may be seeing a similar trend in 2017. Porcello has been awfully consistent lately. If only he could stop coughing up a homer per start. He’s opposed by another consistent arm, Mike Leake.

We can talk for hours about this slate, let’s dig a little deeper, ignoring some of the solid mid-tier plays. Oh, look there for $6,000. It’s Joe Biagini! Did you know, you too can Be a Genie. Might be a useful skill to cultivate in these trying times. Biagini has tossed nine shutout innings since joining the Blue Jays rotation. It’s not all unicorns and lollypops. He tends to fill the strike zone. Multiple exposures to the enemy offense will eventually result in crooked numbers. He has a friendly matchup versus Mike Foltynewicz and the Braves. Speaking of friendly matchups, Folty gets to tackle the broken Blue Jays.

Stack Targets: Christian Bergman, Zach Eflin, Jacob Turner, Jesse Hahn, Ubaldo Jimenez, Jhouls Chacin, Scott Feldman, Andrew Cashner/Martin Perez, Matt Garza

5. Hitters to Use

Jonathan Lucroy is showing some life, and Eflin is a pitch-to-contact guy. Could be some juice in this squeeze. Across the aisle, Cameron Rupp tends to mangle southpaws like Perez. If it’s Cashner on the bump, the entire Phillies offense is go!

The wind at Wrigley is currently gusting across the outfield. If it shifts to blowing out, try all Cubs. Even though it backfired yesterday, Javier Baez is a good contrarian play to Ian Happ.

Eric Thames is waylaid with strep throat. Jesus Aguilar is making a case to also play every day. Perhaps the Brewers will send Thames to the American League at the trade deadline to clear room for Aguilar. We’ll see.

I mentioned Jake Lamb has a must-play matchup already. Here’s me mentioning it again in clearly language. Must. Play.

Perhaps Trout madness will dwindle tonight versus Gonzalez. Probably not. I’ve been playing him every day. Except for during the hamstring debacle of mid-May. Other choice outfielders include Khris Davis, Corey Dickerson, and Scott Schebler.

6. SaberSim Says…

Kershaw, Matt Shoemaker, Porcello, McCullers, and Fulmer top the SaberSim charts. I get why it likes Shoemaker – the White Sox are… well… you know. He’s evenly matched versus Miguel Gonzalez.

Prime hitters include Kris Bryant, Anthony Rizzo, Mike Trout, Corey Dickerson, and Carlos Santana. I made fun of Yancy Eaton yesterday for missing out on Dickerson’s double donger.

7. The Daily Grind Invitational

KingTrout snagged the gold with pretty much the most blatantly obvious lineup I’ve ever seen. I miss the days when playing my favorite picks for the evening was a winning strategy. A five man Cubs stack plus Gary Sanchez, Aaron Judge, and Mike Trout led him to the promised land and 174.45 points. That’s a 5X payout in GPPs. Leaderboard.

Today is number three for the week on DraftKings. We switch to my FanDuel nemesis tomorrow.