Kicking Rocks: Roster Cuts and Other Fantasy Douchings

The night before Opening Day makes me feel like an 8 year old kid on Christmas Eve, staring at a mountain of presents sitting under the tree waiting to be torn into the next morning.  That one’s definitely an Xbox, those are the video games, and somewhere in that pile is definitely a new baseball glove.  Then morning comes and with unbridled excitement I rush to the pile and start ripping paper with a fury like no other.    Socks and underwear?  A sweater?  These aren’t video games, they’re books.  And who the hell gives an 8 year old a stationery set and thank you cards?  I got rolled on Christmas morning!!

Well, that’s what’s going on now for many of us as we look over our rosters that we were absolutely gushing over as recently as last week.  Suddenly you see a bunch of red crosses next to the names, platoon situations are being discussed, and statuses are being changed from “active” to “minors”.  I know that Opening Day is supposed to be a day filled with excitement and fresh starts, but now it just feels like the fantasy gods have come down and kicked me in the groin….twice.  Here’s what I’m bitching about:

F*** you, Russell Branyan!  You screwed me as a late off season signing with Cleveland last year — Michael Brantley was a late round sleeper of mine until you came in and pushed Matt LaPorta to the outfield — and now you screwed me again coming into Arizona.  Brandon Allen has nothing left to prove in the minors and should have been splitting time between first base and left field for the Diamondbacks, but instead he heads back to Reno while you screw Juan Miranda out of any potential value as well.  I thought about wasting a waiver claim on you, but decided that you and your .240 average can suck it.

OK, Jose Lopez I get.  Good power potential in Colorado, relatively versatile in the infield, and the Rox are looking to showcase him a little to see if they can work out a trade.  But Jonathan Herrera?!?  Big deal, he’s having a good spring.  The guy is fine for OBP, but offers almost nothing else.  He’s got no power, little or no speed and probably won’t hit any higher than .260.  Yeah, he hit .284 last year, but that was with a very favorable .330 BABIP.  Bring me back Eric Young for crying out loud.  For a guy who was still getting over a fractured leg, he was still having a solid spring, hitting .318 with a .348 OBP.  He’s got fantastic stolen base potential and just needs the opportunity to play and get comfortable.  Now he’s mid-season waiver fodder, at best.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?  Well vice freakin’ versa.  All you people out there excited about Brandon Belt making the Giants out of camp can…well…you know.  All of us Aubrey Huff owners now get to spend the first part of the season riddled with anxiety that his hamstrings are going to give out as he chases after a a bunch of gappers to right.  And what happens when Cody Ross comes back?  I know they say Huff will play regularly, but something tells me he’s going to start losing some ABs when Bruce Bochy starts trying to keep his legs fresh.  Great.

How about Max Scherzer’s 12 earned runs in 2.1 innings for his final spring start?  Normally I wouldn’t be too concerned since it’s the spring, but Scherzer himself said that he was having trouble with his mechanics and needed to make some adjustments.  That’s fine if it were early in March and he had time to tweak his delivery, but it’s the end here and if this guy starts of the season this year like he did in April and May of 2010, I’m gonna tear my hair out!

Brad Lidge’s shoulder?  Brian Wilson’s oblique?  Stephen Drew’s abdominal strain?  Mike Minor’s demotion?  Brutal.  Just brutal.

Like I said, Opening Day is supposed to be a day of joy and happiness, but it looks like I might need the assistance of Dr. Jack Daniels to help get me through some of this crap.

Whatcha got for me…?  The doctor is in.