Festivus Airing of Grievances

It’s Festivus, the best and most important holiday of the year. Popularized on Seinfeld, Festivus includes The Airing of Grievances, which normally takes place after dinner, but we’re moving it up this year because as Frank Costanza says: “I got a lotta problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it!” Frank aptly explains the AoG:  “At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!”

So we’re virtually gathering the baseball family around and it’s time to let ‘em know what’s what!

–Rick Porcello, yes, I’m still mad about the 2016 Cy Young and even though it was the voters who did it, you have to take the heat. You’ll be first for Feats of Strength later!

-Enough with the homers, Kevin Gausman! You do know you’re supposed to prevent hitters from doing that, right?

-The new ball can piss right off after sending a rash of blister issues through the league, tanking Aaron Sanchez’s season entirely and severely impacting Johnny Cueto’s. The homers were kinda cool, but seeing video of a bunch of split open fingers was nasty and annoying.

-I’ve got plenty of grievances to air with Alex Cobb’s splitter, but as with the 2017 season, it decided not to show up. Despite the departure of his best pitch, Cobb managed a 3.66 ERA – a Festivus miracle!

–Jharel Cotton… dude, what was that?! Why are you actively working down in the zone with your 92-93 mph fastball? Effective velocity is your friend! Perhaps that gift under the tree for you is one of Perry Husband’s books!

-Mets training staff… get out of my sight! I thought I was ready to air this nearly endless list of grievances, but I’m too triggered. Leave now.

-Just when people started buying into your hit suppression, you go and allow a hit per inning, Marco Estrada? As well as 1.5 homers per nine en route to a 4.98 ERA?? Cool. Lit. Neat.

–Kyle Gibson… is Kyle here? Oh, there you are. Please leave.

-Another season with a second half collapse, Jake Lamb? There wasn’t even an injury to blame it on this year… but let’s see if you make it through the Feats of Strength!

-You can’t hit a home run every single plate appearance, Rougned Odor. Chill.

-The league sets a new high for home runs and you log your fifth-best total, Mark Trumbo?? At least Chris Davis had the excuse of missing time.

-I’m onto you, Byron Buxton! When investigating Kyle Gibson’s second half run, I noticed how soft the schedule was and that just so happened to be when you went off, too. I’m suspect about paying the high price you’ll no doubt command in drafts this spring.

-You’re allowed to walk, Tim Anderson. In fact, it’s encouraged. A 2% BB rate en route to a .276 OBP? Now you gotta face Frank Costanza in the Feats of the Strength.

-What the hell was that season, Jonathan Villar?

I’ve got problems with many others, but I’m going to leave some for y’all. Air your grievances in the comments below!!